Betty is bossy. Her bossiness manifests itself in many ways, but usually it involves her big brother. Yesterday, Jeff and I watched her stand in front of the TV where Charlie was immersed in an intense game of Super Smash Bros, and begin to tell him that he could no longer play games. "It's time for you to turn off the games, Charlie. I told you that you could have five more minutes to play, and now it's time to take a break." The actual rhetoric is funny enough, but her body language is priceless; wide open eyes, slow turning of the head back and forth, and hands on the hips.
She likes to boss Charlie around because it really gets him riled up. The rest of us tend to ignore her, but she really gets under his skin. His reply to her is almost always the same. He'll say, "No I don't!" and she'll say, "Yes you do!" This will escalate back and forth a few times before Charlie will yell out in frustration, "You're not my mudder!"
I've been trying to figure out why it bothers him so much. Perhaps he is unsure if she really carries the authority she claims. She sure acts like she is the boss - so she must be.
Once again, I am seeing a reflection of myself in my kiddos. I am a bit of a people pleaser by nature, and I tend to find myself worrying more about what other people think about me than I should be. I tend to let people's opinions and approval dictate my actions. And, if I'm not careful, I can allow people's opinion of me to dictate my opinion of myself, which is a pretty precarious position to put yourself in. They sure act like the boss - so they must be.
Every fall, I do some re-evaluating of my own life and spiritual walk and try and make some goals for myself. This time around, the top of my list says one word: Confidence.
I am realizing that confidence has less to do with a strong self image or lack of personal insecurity. My recent revelation has been that confidence is recognizing who is in charge of your life and who is not. Confidence is fully embracing the fact that I am accountable to God for everything I do and everything I am. When I keep my eyes fully fixed on Him, I can stand confident in His direction. I can swim upstream if I know that He has called me to do it. I can stop looking to other people to validate me or invalidate me, my validation is sealed in Him.
This summer we had a family reunion and Jeff's family were reminiscing about his grandfather, Howard Kerr. Howard was a minister, missionary, and extraordinary man of faith. One of his daughters was sharing with all of us about his incredible relationship with Jesus and his personal freedom in Christ. She talked about the summers they would spend at the Bible Camp where they had a cottage. This was in the very legalistic years of the church and the camp had a rule that no one was allowed to swim on Sundays. Everyone seemed to think this was a pretty silly rule, because after all, they were on vacation and were on a lakefront - but nevertheless, that was the rule. She said, "I have very vivid memories of my Dad walking back up from the lake on Sunday mornings with a towel over his shoulder, fresh from a dip in Lake Ontario." He never said anything to anyone about it, but she said it absolutely demonstrated to her that his faith was his faith and it was not going to be dictated to him by anyone other than Jesus. That was Howard Kerr's way of saying, "You're not my mudder." Aunt Kath told us that whenever she was facing a decision in her life, her Dad's response to her was always, "Well, Kath, what do you think the Lord would want you to do?"
I supposed that you could look at Howard Kerr as a rebel. You could imagine that he raised some eyebrows at Cobourg Pentecostal Camp in the 1950's. But as I looked around at the 55 members of his family who were attending this family reunion, I couldn't help but notice that ALL of them were serving the Lord. Most of them are in full time ministry all around the world. Could it be that Howard passed on something way more tangible than just following the status quo? I believe he passed on a sense that as believers, we are to nurture our walk with Jesus Christ and find confidence in His direction and leading. That inner confidence only comes when we know who we're living for.
The Bible makes it very clear that when our life on earth is over, we will each stand before God to give an account of how we lived. I cannot say, "But so and so said that I should do this..." or "I know you wanted me to do that, but other people told me I couldn't..."
I have to recognize who's voice I'm listening to. Who am I living for? Who am I let dictate my worth or value or even the direction of my life? If the answer is anything other than "Jesus Christ," I am on the wrong road.
I have a poem hanging over my kitchen sink called "Anyway." Apparently, it was found hanging on the wall in Mother Theresa's orphanage in India. The poem say:
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight:
Build anyway
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God
It was never between you and them anyway.
You're not my mudder, indeed.
